Marriage 101

Thursday, October 03, 2013

Okay, let me just say that I cannot claim to be a marriage expert; not even the teeniest tiniest bit.  I have a lot of learning to do and have the next 80 years to do it.  What I do know; however, is that I have some pretty darn smart friends and family members who have offered Nick and I countless words of wisdom as we prepared to become husband and wife.  In the spirit of being "newlyweds", I figured I'd throw together what I've learned so far:
There will most certainly be times you want to pull your hair out and just scream, but it has no place in the bedroom nor does it have a place haunting your dreams.  If it's something that can't wait, talk it out.  Likely you won't have an easy time sleeping anyway and it's better to tie up loose ends than let it foster.

Who doesn't want to be reminded of how smart, beautiful, handsome, crafty, strong, loving, etc. they are?!  A little compliment now and again can go a long way.  And if you're not telling your spouse you love them everyday I have to ask, why not?!

I'm sure that when times get tough it can be hard to figure out your next move on your own.  Usually you'd look to your spouse for insight, but when the problem is so grand and is between the two of you try your best to keep it just between you.  However, if advice is needed, please please please don't run to your mom or best friend.  Instead, try seeking out a priest/pastor, counselor, or someone else who is neutral.  There's nothing more awkward than being the friend you confide in only to have everything work itself out a day later...  And I'm almost positive when it works out your spouse will appreciate it more than words. 

And isn't that why you love him!?  It's okay if he has his own method of loading the dishwasher, or a quirk about the way the blinds are turned...  go with it.  A marriage is a union of two people - it takes some time to iron the wrinkles out, but as you're ironing remember this is the person you chose to grow old and wrinkly with :) 

I have a strong date/vacation passion.  I admire people who go on weekly date nights and envy those who can go on monthly vacations!!  Spending qt with one another (sans distractions and obligations) will not only charge the batteries, but will give you the opportunity to fall in love all over again.  When Nick and I honeymooned I realized he is hilarious.  I already loved him and knew he was funny/cute, but this time alone really opened my eyes to the adorable clown I had married.  

Marriage is a really cool thing...  you have someone you can confide in and trust, love, laugh with, and lust over all at once.  I love confiding in Nick and being there for him to share his deep thoughts with me.  At the same time, I also love dressing up and being quirky when he takes me out for date night...  Sometimes we even tease about taking off our rings and being "girlfriend and boyfriend" again for an evening, and then are reminded how happy we are at being married.  It's a pretty special thing, I tell ya.  

This is my personal philosophy.  And let me tell you - it has worked wonders.  None of this hog the covers thing, oh no no.  And we're both much better rested and happier to see each other in the morning for it :)

Being a newlywed, it's weird for me to say this, but it's truly a blessing.  I miss Nick immensely when he's away from me or I'm away from him, but I appreciate him that much more when we are reunited.  This also goes along with the idea of "recharging the batteries," as you need time with friends, family, etc. without your spouse tagging along.  

Nick will always participate in fantasy baseball and fantasy football.  I am aware of this.  I'm also aware that he won't ever voluntarily watch the bachelor/bachelorette with me, will never enjoy shopping, and mandates that football be on TV when Penn State and/or the Cowboys are playing.  These are his "pillars," and I'm okay by that.  Ladies, give your man a couple inches so you can take them for miles :)  You see, I'm happy to oblige because that means I can keep my pillars, too.  Win-win!  

I understand not everyone is religious, and that is completely your right/choice.  However, for those of us who are, it's important to remember that we were brought together by God and that He is the center of our marriage.  The more you stray from Him, the more likely things are to crumble.  Pray for and with your spouse - God loves to check in and rekindle flames that may be dwindling, so don't forget Him!!

I'm curious to see what kinds of advice I'll acquire/develop on my own in the coming years...  Any tid bits strike a cord in your marriage worth sharing?

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Rachel said...

Don't go to bed angry is my number 1 for sure! We always say I love you before sleep to!

Amie said...

Totally agree with #2, 4 and 10. My husband hates the sheets tucked in and I like them tucked in, so we literally have it split at the bottom of the bed. Sometimes men just do things differently.

Laura said...

Loved this post! You are already such a wise wife! ;)

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