happiness

Friday, May 09, 2014

Work has been really taking its toll on me lately.  I find myself questioning whether or not teaching is my true passion, and celebrate making it through each day.  The truth is, it's exhausting to constantly give every ounce of yourself to 130 teenagers only to have a majority of them blow you off.  They don't want to be in my class; no one willingly signs up to take geometry, and at this point in the year, they've all checked out.  I think it's only natural to feel this way a week into May, but I guess just journaling it makes it feel a little more tolerable.  It's just been weighing heavily on my mind and heart as of late, especially considering we still have the dreaded state tests coming our way.  Not to mention, we haven't finished learning new material... because we missed 16 days of school or something crazy like that.  And oh-by-the-way, we're getting pay cuts next year... which we just found out in the middle of "teacher appreciation week."  It just hasn't been the greatest of weeks if you catch my drift. 

So after spending whatever amount of time Nick will allot me venting (and I am so grateful to him for this), I just stop and let it go.  I have to; most of these circumstances are outside of my control.  I have to keep on keeping on and know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel come June 13... and an even teeny tiner one come 27 years from now.  (Baby steps, baby steps). 

I remind myself that my happiness is not measured by the amount of kids I can get to pass a test, nor is it measured in the amount of dollars I make (or don't make).  It's measured in the handful of students who truly treasure/appreciate what I try to give of myself, the rewarding feeling when one student has their "ah ha" moment, and the fact that even though we don't make much we still have a home of our own, our health, and each other.  I am very grateful for these things for sure. 

And when it's tough to focus on those things, that's when happy hours on Friday afternoons with other teacher friends in the same boat come in.  That, and pretty floral pictures at our house  :)

Happy weekend, all.  



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2 comments:

Kait said...

I love all those pretty flowers!

Laura said...

I hear ya, girl. I am SO over work right now - it has been so busy and stressful lately. I can't imagine the stuff that you deal with day to day with high schoolers. Seriously, you are a saint! Here's to staying positive and making it to summer :)

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